I am a Christian and I have a chronic disease where I am unable to sleep much yet am deeply exhausted all the time. I have had it for over 30 years and now my body is starting to have symptoms from it and yet sleep still doesn't happen. As the symptoms continue and get stronger and harder to work with, the depression is getting deeper because I am losing hope of ever getting actual rest. Have you ever gone 9 months with 2 hours of sleep a night-on a good night? Ever gone even 2 nights in a row without much sleep? It changes everything.

I have to admit that I have thought about suicide. I have wished for peace/sleep in death many, many times. However, I have no plan, nor do I plan to have one.

I have to admit that I think it is more because of what it would do to my family than because of my fear on God's end. Though that feels like it's heresy to write because I do have a healthy fear of Him. As I told my pastor, I have no fear of death. It's the prolonged dying that I hate (as all of us do).

I feel like I am physically starting to lose my mind with this problem. It is affecting my mental as well as physical health, my relationships with other people, and my relationship with my children and husband. It has already affected my relationship with my daughter-she's barely speaking to me. And my only grandson (almost 2), I am not connected to at all because I just don't have the energy to work at it or even care, tbh.

Where do I fit in your article? I don't look within. I have prayed for years for healing and or help and yet continue to get worse. Well, maybe I am looking to within because I am now to the point where I am not sure God will ever give me peace. Not here on earth. I am 56. The thought of living like this for another even 10 years is extremely repulsive. I think my heart will give out before that anyway.

I will try to find some help, but I have found that if the counselor do not know nothing about truly suffering with illness, there isn't much they can do for me to help me through this.