by Matthew C. Harrison
After finishing college at Seward, my wife Kathy and I served as lay missionaries in a remote Cree Indian village in Ontario, Canada. One day we decided we’d go for a snowmobile ride. I pulled the machine in front of our little shack. I glanced behind me to see Kathy hopping aboard, and I took off. I headed down the skidoo trail on the frozen lake on a bright clear, frigid day, chatting happily with my dear wife (or so I thought). I had made it nearly a half-mile before I realized that no one was talking back. Suddenly I did a hard double take and turned to see the empty seat right behind me. Looking back at the distant village, she was nowhere to be seen. Turns out I had taken off just as she straddled the seat, but before she’d sat down. . . . We laughed about it then, and still do to this very day.
So it is with marriage. You won’t get very far trying to travel alone in a relationship, talking to yourself, or at someone else. . . .There are three simple facts that are the secret to a joyous marriage, the secret to living a good news life in a bad news world.
The first secret of joy in marriage is that it is God’s own act. “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make a helper fit for him’” (Genesis 2:18). The ultimate crown of God’s creation, woman, is made after all the animals. The Lord wanted to impress upon Adam the incomparable wonder of what he was about to do for the man. Adam had named all the animals, “But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:20). Some would balk right away, alleging that the woman as a “helper fit for him” is demeaning. But the Lord God himself is pleased to be called a “helper.” Ezer is the Hebrew word, and the name “Eliezer” means “God is my helper” (Numbers 3:32). “Fit for him” simply means that the woman would be in the same glorious image of God—righteous, intelligent, a delightful living, eternal soul to be a “soul mate” for life.
The second secret of a joyful marriage is that marriage is an act of the will. In the vows we state, “for better, for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health,” “I will.” Virtually every marriage goes through times when we simply don’t feel love. . . . But love, in its most fundamental form, is not, in fact, emotion. It is the will to act for the benefit of another, no matter how it feels. Paul bids husbands “love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). The truth holds good for wives too. Christ acted for the benefit of all of us, quite without a continual warm fuzzy feeling of love and joy. “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will” (Matthew 26:39). He willed to do it. He submitted to the will of his Father as an act of love, and the result is endless joy for the world.
Excerpted from A Little Book on Joy (CPH, 2011), pages 57–63.
This may have saved my marriage
Thank You So Much For the Article Pastor Harrison!!
My wife and I were married 42 years ago by the late Rev. Dr. George F. Wollenburg, and immediately after that my wife was confirmed into the LCMS, and our one faith marriage took off from there!!
Has it been perfect, no…due to the old Adam in us it hasn’t been, however, our nightly prayer time includes a prayer of thanksgiving for each other, and our weekly participation in the Means of Grace has been the stabilizing factor in our marriage. We Thank God for His guidance in our years together!!
When I first opened the September issue of the Lutheran Witness I was interested in the title “The Joy of Marriage.” Our 40 years of marriage had been a constant joy. The article started well and the middle part was very good. I have problems with the final paragraph. One sentence says, “Virtually every marriage goes through times when we simply don’t feel love.” We never experienced that. I find it difficult to believe that we were alone in this. Our love grew continually. Sometimes we would disappoint each other but that had no effect on our love.
I always considered my wife to be a gift from God. My wife looked at me the same way. Therefore, we both thanked god often for this great blessing. I always said a quick thank-you every time I saw her or even thought about her. We soon realized that our relationship was not just between the two of us because God was in the center, holding us together.
In the same paragraph is another sentence which baffles me. It says, “Christ acted for the benefit of all of us, quite without a continual warm fuzzy feeling of love and joy.” I must not understand because it does not seem to fit into the context.
This reply may be too long, but it is only a brief summary of the joy of our marriage
Thank you for your wonderful words on marriage. It’s uplifting whilrbgoing through difficult times
Thank you Pastor Harrison,
I just want to reply to your wonderful text on the joy of marriage. So often we forget where everything comes from Our Lord Jesus Christ. He I loves us so much, gives the directions we need even in marriage. I am married to my husband for 42 years, I still need to be reminded when those days are not so joyful. Because I lose my focus on the cross.
God’s blessings in your ministry and I was so happy to hear you won the election. So I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Beautifully written.
I like this article very much and I realize that it is an excerpt, but couldn’t you have at least included the third fact?
I thought the same thing! I kept rereading to see if I’d somehow missed if! 😉
What a beautiful way to express marriage we have been married 58 years this Nov. we as many couples have had ups and downs but the ups out weigh the downs.
We have a great Christian relationship with LCMS.