by Matthew C. Harrison
Luther says that the Fourth Commandment is the most important commandment in the second table of the Law (Commandments 4–10). It’s the source of all temporal blessings; good order in the home; and love, peace and even joy in society (LC I 126). “Honor your father and your mother, that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth,” as the old translation of the catechism said.
This temporal promise is a good reason, says Luther, for us to honor our parents and other authorities. Furthermore, “all authority flows and is born from the authority of parents” (LC I 141). “To God, to parents, and to teachers we can never offer enough thanks and compensation” (LC I 130). “All whom we call ‘masters’ are in the place of parents and must get their power and authority to govern from them” (LC I 142). A home where honor and respect for parents and authority exists is very pleasing to God, Luther asserts, and He generally rewards it richly with temporal blessings. When children dishonor parents from their own sinfulness or are driven to it by unjust and unloving parents, the results are bad. A person who won’t be obedient to parents or other authorities in love, or who misuses authority, “will become a victim to the hangman” (LC I 151). Luther tells the children: “If, therefore, you will not obey father and mother and submit to their discipline, then obey the hangman” (LC I 135).
The home is a “left-hand” kingdom or realm, where the law is to be kept, and a place where the transgression of the law requires punishment. Where it is kept, blessings abound.
Luther speaks about the exercise of authority by the Christian ruler in the same way he speaks about parental rule in the home. A Christian prince has a duty “toward his subjects … [of] love and Christian service” (AE 45:126). He should consider how he has been humbly served by Christ, and then serve his subject in like manner. A Christian prince is not to be high-handed and make all decisions by himself. A Christian prince is to deal justly with evildoers. But he should not listen to “fire-eaters” who would stir up a war. “He is a mighty poor Christian who for the sake of a single castle would put the whole land in jeopardy” (AE 45:124).
Think of how the following description by Luther of four characteristics of a Christian ruler also apply to fathers and mothers in the Christian home. The home is like the state. Honor and respect for authority are necessary. But for Christians, the “right-hand” realm (or the Gospel and all it entails) also comes to bear:
A prince’s duty is fourfold: First, toward God there must be true confidence and earnest prayer; second, toward his subjects there must be love and Christian service; third, with respect to his counselors and officials he must maintain an untrammeled reason and unfettered judgment; fourth, with respect to evildoers he must manifest a restrained severity and firmness. Then the prince’s job will be done right … [T]he cross will soon rest on the shoulders of such a prince.
(AE 45:126)
This is all great advice for parents. A Christian parent needs to know that Christ has claimed him or her in Baptism and will sustain that parent with what is needed to meet the challenge of bringing up children. Second, “there must be love and Christian service.” Where does this come from? Christ. “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son” (John 3:16). Every Christan parent is the recipient of “grace upon grace,” forgiveness and love. The chief divine service of God is that He serves sinners forgiveness in Jesus by means of His Word of the Gospel, Absolution, Baptism and Supper. “As he gives himself for us with his body and blood in order to redeem us from all misery, so we too are to give ourselves with might and main for our neighbor” (AE 36:352). Parents, there’s no closer “neighbor” than the kid in your lap in diapers, or the teen playing video games in your basement.
A vital component often missing in Christian homes is the Gospel. The Fourth Commandment calls on parents to rule the roost, to be sure (Law). But we are sinners. We fail. Kids fail. Parents fail. Forgiveness is needed more than anything (Gospel). So often when a child sins or fails morally, the Law has the first and last word.
Dad: “Are you sorry?”
Kid: Sniff, sniff. “Yes, dad.”
Dad: “Good. If you do that again you’re going to be grounded for a month!”
Kid: “Sorry, dad.”
Dad: “Well, ‘sorry’ isn’t good enough! Don’t let it happen again. We’re done.”
What’s missing? The Gospel. It’s not only possible in a two-kingdom reality like the family to speak both Law and Gospel, it’s so important that failing to do so can even withhold eternal life. It can make a child angry and bitter. It can nullify his or her hearing of Jesus at church. A parent has the task of upholding honor and respect in the home for the well-being of the child and all concerned. But the parent is also a spiritual priest in the home with the responsibility of delivering forgiveness to a child — and conversely, asking for forgiveness from the child when harshness and anger dominate instead of measured discipline.
Run it like this:
Dad: “ Are you sorry for what you’ve done?”
Kid: Sniff. “Yes, dad.”
Dad: “I want you to know that I love you. And because I’m a Christian and a sinner forgiven daily by Jesus, I forgive you. Jesus forgives you. Never ever doubt my love for you. You are a precious gift from God. I want you to realize that in this life there are consequences for bad behavior, especially while you’re young, so you don’t get into really bad stuff later in life. Because I do love you, you’re grounded for this week.”
Forgive, parents! Ask for forgiveness! It’s your wonderful privilege to fill your “kingdom” at home with Christ and His love.
–Pastor Matthew C. Harrison
Photo Credit: Public domain.
